You Left Me Hanging

Another Letter –

 

I was so naïve when I first met you. And looking back at it right now, I want to go back in time, kidnap and then bury my old self alive for what I did, for what I said, and for what I believed.

I knew I didn’t love you. I knew you didn’t love me. It wasn’t love what we felt for each other, but we still held on because for some time we thought it was. I liked having you around because you say things I’d been  dying someone to say to me. You told me I’m beautiful and that I deserved every star in the sky. I believed you.

But I know it was all lies, because each time you say that to me, I know you were thinking of her. I know that you were wishing I was her instead. I know that in the back of my mind, but I just didn’t care because I believed you when you said you’re completely over her even when I still see that glimmer and hesitation in your eyes whenever you say her name. But because I believed you, I pushed those thoughts away.

I admit there were times when I questioned myself if it was finally “love” what I felt for you. You really made me believe that you actually love me. But when I finally let my guard down, that’s when you disappeared—that’s when you left without a proper goodbye, without a proper explanation, and without a hint of hesitation. And up to this day, I still don’t even know why.

You left me hanging with every word you said, with every promise you made, with every song you played. Did I do something wrong to make you leave like that? I didn’t even have the courage to ask you what happened because I just don’t know how. We weren’t really together. I didn’t really have the right to be mad at you for leaving me like that, and for you to go for another girl.

You have no idea how many times I’d been dying to ask you what happened to us. But I just don’t have the courage. Time passed so fast the next thing I know you finally got a new girl. You talk to me sometimes like nothing had happened between us.

Was I just a phase?

Every time you smile at me, I force a smile back with the same question repeated over and over again behind it.

I just want you to know that it took every bit of me to stay hanging on the hope as thin as thread that you would come back, and that everything would be okay.

I waited. I waited until I couldn’t take any of it any more.

And then I let go. That’s when I realized I was just three inches from someone else’s floor.

 

maffet

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